In the fall semester of 2001, I had the privilege of taking a Constitutional History class from Professor Teaford. I hope that one day you'll get an opportunity to meet this man! The following are just a few of his memorable quotes. It's not the same as seeing him in person, but hopefully they'll be good for a few laughs.
- If a president's popularity rating goes down, don't we like to bomb people?
- This is a nation where cows lounge in front of the state capitol building.
- Would you like it class? No! Because I'm obviously a lunatic!
- If I was president of congress, would I show up? Yes! I might get on a coin or something! I'd spend my nights coming up with cute little quotes.
- New Hampshire has always been cheap. Their state motto is "Live Free or Die" and they mean it literally!
- If someone marched in here and said we should seize a federal base… where's a federal base around here? The post office! Stamps!
- Tyranny! Well aren't you concerned? No? Maybe because it's Friday.
- Woohoo Hoosierland! The number one state in the Union! The home of … what famous person is from Indiana? No one? Drew Brees! No! He's from Texas. Well he went to school here.
- California's just a bunch of druggie surfers.
- Those people in the back of the room are lethargic and un-American!
- Those people back then would have loved this lecture. I wish they were here.
- Haven't you been in classes where you graded your own homework? I have. And didn't I cheat? Yes! Well it was trig and you never finish trig homework.
- Wouldn't it be an honor to serve on the Supreme Court with the nephew of your idol? Who's your idol? Me!
- He's a nice guy. Just don't touch his nose.
- These are yellow because the guy who made the slides thought the harsh contrast between black and white would hurt your eyes. It makes me want to puke.
- I've been in Lafayette for 26 years. Have I seen much change? No! Well, we got a second Wal-Mart.
- That's why I wear loose clothing – so I can be more dynamic! Also my father is one size bigger than me.
- $86 for a startup fee?!? What a gip! Those Verizon people are living in big houses and driving around in limos. Do they have chalk on their suits? No!
- I think her desire to be at other people's funerals sustained her forever.
- Paranoid people think the boogey man is after them. Well he could be!
- Have you ever been to Levee Laundromat? Don't people come in with pickup trucks full of laundry and 12 children? They're probably stealing clothes from the machine. Ooo, this looks nice. I think I'll wear this one!
- Do we care about beauty in Indiana? No! Throw those pop cans on the side of the road. This isn't Michigan!
- In this land of liberty, should you have to find freedom through UPS?
- Look at Charles Sumner's head. See how it's cracked there?
- Have you ever heard of Franklin Pierce's birthplace? Well I have. But did I have to wait in line? No! Because he was nothing!
- Maybe some people who didn't have good history in high school don't know how this turns out. "Well, Coach never told us what happened."
- Are there many opportunities for 84-year olds. Well he could work at Wal-Mart. That would be great! We could go to Wal-Mart and see Chief Justice Taney. Well that's where I'll be in a few years.
- I've taught this class for a million years but it's the first time it has ever been relevant.
- I throw my bottles in the dumpster. I feel bad. Well the guy on the bike goes in and gets them. I'm helping the poor guy. He ought to ride his bike to Michigan!
- If you can't remember the name, just scribble.
- Hunnington, IN where they eat apple pie and love their mothers. What else do Americans do? The Dan Quayle museum is there!
- You're going to end up dead. Well I guess we all are.
- I had a great-grandfather who fought there… don't know what he did. He probably ran.
- I like rednecks. Let's go to Covington!
- You want a secret? Even I have gone over 65 on the highway. I once got up to 67!
- Well I feel bad now because I always think you guys are on drugs or something but you've actually been working hard.
- I wonder what rich people eat at breakfast.
- There are no refunds once you're dead.
- If you don't want risk you should lay in the bath tub with a bath mat over your head. Well that's the safest place in case of a natural disaster… assuming there's no water in there because then you could drown.
- Every time I go through Danville, IL I think there must be a radiation dump there. The people all look so weird.
- I don't have to worry about anthrax. I never get any mail. Any package would be strange.
- Have you been up to that McDonalds on Northwestern? Well nobody here works there right? Nobody there works!
- I guess you haven't been reduced to reading the obituaries to see what jobs might be open.
- My father never brought home anybody famous. He just brought home Big Ruth. She taught us card games and the fast shuffle. She was our babysitter. Well if you hang out in the bars you meet interesting people.
- Geometry never changed from the time of Euclid to the time of my old geometry teacher. Actually she was so old it was about the same time.
- Sometimes I see people and I hope they are on drugs. Otherwise they are in a horrible state!
- "The best things in life are free!" There was a song about that. The guy who wrote it made a lot of money off of it.
- The drought was so bad that the cactus died!
- Well you're Canadian. You don't care about liberty!
- We gotta review this week so that means I have to repeat everything 12 times.
- Are paranoid people very productive? Well maybe if you threaten them.
2003 Year In Review
December 31. It seems like every channel you turn to on TV is having their “year end review” show. Sounds like a good idea to me. I present you with “2003: A Studio711 Presentation of 2003 Because the Year is Almost Over and this is a way to Present the Recap Presentation.” (I might have to work on the title.)
It’s hard to believe all the stuff that has changed in the last year. Last January I was just getting the hang of this “real life” stuff. I was making some great friends and starting to have a social life after the transplant from Purdue to Jersey. I was just transitioning out of my first work assignment and moving into some new stuff. (ARG! STRUTS!)
Then all of a sudden around March I found out I was going to Eagan. Surprise! In retrospect, I think it’s a good thing I went, but I spent a lot of sleepless nights stressing about it. The planning and move were a hassle, but by the end of June, I found myself packing up.
Right before that move, I took a trip with Jay and Melissa up to Maine for a fantastic weekend at Camp Ticawa. We basically did… umm.. nothing. And it was one of the best vacations I’ve ever had! The only bad part was leaving the unadulterated beauty of the woods of Maine behind and crossing that bridge from NYC into Jersey. Yuck.
That job up in Eagan was an amazing experience. My three main assignments up there really stretched my technical abilities as well as my soft skills. However, the best part of the job was definitely the new contacts I made and the perspective I got on the company. In college, your success is almost completely dependent on your own knowledge. But when you hit the real world, you have to add in a lot more skills. Not only do you have to be good at what you do, but you need contacts. You need to know who to call and where to go when you need an answer to a question, advice on a problem, or someone to take some work off your shoulders. On top of all that, I learned how much it helps to get some perspective on your company. Lockheed is huge. 125,000+ employees. I’ve only been exposed to two sites of our worldwide company so I don’t claim to come near knowing it all, but I did learn a lot just seeing how Eagan operates. It was really interesting to see what is similar between Moorestown and Eagan and also the things that are different. I’m not going to go into a lot of specifics here because I know some of you are taking offsites (Jay and Mel) and I’m interested in seeing what perspectives you come back with. It’s a lot of work and extra hassle, but I can guarantee it will be an eye-opening experience. It’s one of those intangibles that’s hard to explain until you’ve been there.
On a less philosophical note, I got mixed up with a bunch of guys down at ProKart Indoor in Burnsville. The first time I went there was with my cousin, Chad. We spent 8 minutes out on the track and I was hooked. Couple that with the fact that I didn’t know anyone around and I had a weekend activity. I spent a couple full days there racing anyone that walked through the door. I started off slow but picked it up quickly. On the fifth day I was at the track, I broke the track record (a record that to my knowledge still stands 3 months later!) One of the managers there noticed me and invited me to join their top league. That was definitely and experience, but I kept on learning. I’m definitely going to miss racing out there every week, but don’t worry, I’ll be back in Minneapolis somewhere along the line. I’ll stop in to defend (or reclaim) my track title!
This summer will also go down in history as the summer of weddings. I was invited to 4 weddings in a span of 5 weeks! All of them were over 700 miles away. I ended up having to miss Lisa’s wedding. (Sorry Lisa!) But I made it to the other three. It was definitely an interesting experience for me. It was my first time being in any weddings, and I was in 3 in 5 weeks! First Jim and Kristy in Lafayette, IN, Kevin and Heather in Grand Forks, ND, and Mark and Becky in Evansville, IN, . I had a great time at all of them! It was a lot of travelling, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Emily and Brian got married in September but I didn’t make it to that one either. So many weddings! Congratulations again to all of you.
The one blemish on my summer of travel was that little incident southern Minnesota. Thankfully noone was killed in that accident. As far as I know, his lawsuit with AllState is still open so that might make for some interesting blogging in 2004. Let’s just hope it doesn’t.
That all happened the week after the great weekend in Chicago when Mel came out to visit. We stayed with her sister and family, introduced her to Wrigley Field, and had a great time!
And let’s not forget the short week down in Sannibel with the family. Good times, warm sun, and the ocean. Another great vacation!
Now I’m back in Jersey hanging out with the old crew again. It’s good to be back. I didn’t miss the traffic or the (lack of) scenery, but I definitely missed the people. Err.. well, not all the people… just my friends really because Jersey people tend to be jerks in public.
It was a big year. My rough estimate puts me at about 16,000 miles of major trips this year. What will next year bring? Who knows? Hopefully I’ll stay in one place for a while. Classes start at Drexel so that will take a lot of my time. Jay, Tyler, and I are also thinking about getting a new house. But really, there’s no way I can predict it. If you asked me last January to write about the year I thought I’d have, there’s no way I’d come up with an article like this. And that’s what makes the future so exciting… every day is a surprise!
[UPDATE 12/15/05] I moved the post from “Inside My Head“ straight into the blog. I’m afraid it will get lost if it’s not in the database with everything else. The old page is here: 2003 Year In Review